I am going to try and do a reflection blog ever so often about my personal thoughts during this process. Most of our family and close friends know me pretty well. I analyze everything. Almost to the point where there is nothing left to debate. But, I can honestly say that until the past few days I have had very little analyzation of this situation that has been Godly placed into our lives.
I am reminded that every mom worries while they are carrying a baby. When talking with one of my best friends she reminded me of this when I was having one of my “moments.” As a first time mom-to-be in this unique position, I feel greater worry accompanies my everyday thoughts especially on appointment weeks.
Appointment weeks are supposed to be joyous, exciting and something to look forward to. Don’t get me wrong, I feel all of those things. But there is a level of anxiety and fear that passes through you the night before when you start thinking about the challenges these babies are facing just fighting to grow inside you all in the same space. You wonder if not one baby but all babies have fingers and toes. Do they all have good heartbeats? Do they have important organs present? Are they all growing properly? What are my risks associated with this situation this week?
I consider myself a woman of faith. Without God, I know that the miracles and even the challenges we face are all because of His glory and bigger plan. Bryan and I both have been very positive during this time even when moments are tough.
Our latest appointment was wonderful to see their process and how they are all growing and changing so much! Just amazing what technology can tell you in a matter of minutes. Like I said in my previous post, Doc is watching all of them closely especially Baby A. Even with his stellar expertise, I wonder what really is going on and if everything will be okay. After my mini-emotional episode of worry this morning, I have stopped to reflect again about why faith is your best weapon against fear. With much needed rest today I remained content is silence and thought about my fears. God continued to push me in a direction that showed me light at the end of the journey and that felt good!
Just yesterday, I had a lady (well, I would not call her a lady after I tell you the rest), but a lady in store overheard that I was having triplets. I was standing to check out with her in line and she said to me, “I feel so sorry for you.”
For the first time during this experience I was almost instantly in tears. How hurtful to say that to someone you don’t know. I have heard comments like, “What will you guys do?,” or “Wow, better you than me,” but never “I feel sorry for you.”
My rebuttle to her was, “Actually, we feel really blessed.” I checked out and went about my business. Don’t get me wrong I still thought about how someone could say such things. I let that fester in my heart all night and it lead me back to fear about the health of the babies and getting through this journey in one piece. I justified her nasty comment to the things people say without any educated bit of information. But, in her case I think it was clearly an Orbit gum commercial, “Dirty mouth? Clean it with…”
And after the rain (my tears of course), God let the sun in and today is a new day.
I returned to scripture and found this. I think it is a good thought to have in a moment of self doubt. I am sure there will be many more to come.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7
Thank you to all of our wonderful family and great friends who somehow know how to say the right things. It makes me “feel sorry” for the people who missed the moment to shine light into someone’s lives when they may need is most. Maybe she was the one who needed it, not me 🙂